Potty Training

I plan to write a general update post on both kids very soon, but I want to get this post out there now because it's the freshest in my mind to write about.

I want to explain exactly why we chose the method we did, how we made it work for us, and the progress Noah has made (or is still making).

It's hard to say when exactly we started potty training.  Around 18 months, we set out a potty upstairs.  Occasionally he would sit on it just for fun, but nothing ever happened.  Then around 2 years old, he started to learn the association between the potty and actually going pee-pee.  But by no means was he ready for potty training, or at least we thought.  He would ask to go when we were in restaurants and sometimes when we were getting ready for bed but otherwise, he was still wearing a diaper and not really telling us when he needed to go or when he'd just gone.  Looking back on it, we should have started potty training then, he was much more cooperative than he was even just a short 3 months later.

We were pretty insistent that we were not going to potty train Noah and then Emilee be born and all be lost.  So we waited.  We really thought he was ready (and honestly he probably was) a few weeks after Emilee was born so we took advantage of us both being home during the week.  Our method to start with was what others had told us to do: take him to the potty a bunch of times and rewards.  This failed miserably by the 2nd day.  It was a fight everytime to get him to go to the potty, sometimes he went and sometimes he didn't.  Could have cared less about a reward.  Plus it was more like we were training ourselves, not Noah.  To me, potty training or learning is about learning to recognize urges and when its time to go to the potty.  It was really hard on us especially with a newborn, so we quit and said we would just wait until he was ready, whenever that would be.

Jump forward a few month (I think this was around July 2012).  He was asking more and more to go potty even though I think it was still a novelty thing, but more important he would tell us when he had just pooped, so there was definitely more awareness going on.  I was becoming more convinced that he was ready and if we waited any longer (for what, I don't know), we would miss the window.  Little did I know, I think we'd already missed the window when we should have been doing this closer to when he was 2.  So I started doing research on what to do.  I wanted to be more prepared this time.

We chose the 3-day potty training method.  It was recommended by a friend.  I liked it because there was no taking him to the potty a bunch of times.  No fighting with him.  If he wet himself, he wet himself.  And it was all about actually teaching him to recognize when he needed to go and take care of business.  I'm not against other parents wanting to use the "time" method.  If that's what works for their kids, then great.  And i will admit there are still times when we encourage him to use it, like when we are headed out the door or I know there are no potties around.

Basically the method has you "throw" out his diapers in a big celebration on the beginning of the first day.  Then you just remind them to tell you when they need to go, not ask.  They will have lots of accidents.  But the key is catching them in the act and taking them to the potty to finish.  And then, lots of rewards and positive reinforcement.  You are supposed to do this for nap and nighttime as well, no diapers, pull-ups, etc.  Just underwear.  By the 3rd day, they are supposed to be able to then tell you when they need to go.  You are also supposed to spend all 3 days at home with them, giving them lots of attention.

We mostly did all of that.  All underwear, no pullups or diapers.  He had lots of accidents on Sat and Sun and we thought we were getting nowhere!!!!  I was so ready to pull the plug and quit again but I said I just didn't to wait out the 3rd day.  Day 3 was at daycare.  I know, he was supposed to be at home, but I couldn't take off work and it just couldn't work that way, so we took our chances.  Told the daycare what our plan was, left a bazillion pairs of backup clothes and walked out the door with our fingers crossed.  All day long I thought about him and envisioned all the laundry I would be doing that night and how I couldn't wait to just get him back in diapers the next day. 

I went in to go get him and the first thing I noticed was a paper in his mailbox that said "Congrats for using the potty!".  A little confused, maybe they give that to all the kids when they start trying.  Went in and talked to his teacher and was SHOCKED to find out he only had maybe 1 accident all day.  More surprising, he went most of the times they took potty breaks and he even asked to go a couple times.  I wish you had seen my face that moment.  Well of course I couldn't stop potty training now, not now that I'd seen some progress. 

A few weeks later, he was still doing OK.  I would not say potty trained in any manner since he was still having 1-2 accidents a day.  We did switch to pull-ups at nap and nighttime though.  He just wasn't waking up at all and I felt bad that he was sleeping in his pee all night long.  We took a vacation to Branson and I was so afraid of the massive amounts of dirty laundry we would create (especially considering he doesn't have enough clothes to go through 2-3 changes a day for a whole week without doing laundry).  Maybe it was the attention he got all week and just being in a new environment (David read or heard a theory that a vacation while potty training is very helpful because it "resets" their brain by being in a new environment with a new schedule), but it did REALLY well.  VERY few accidents, if any.  I even remember going to the Dixie Stampede and our seats were really far from the bathrooms and he was still asking and having no accidents.  Although I will say it was hilarious when David took him to the bathroom and brought him back out in no pants or underwear.  He didn't take the bag with him to change him and I'd assumed he must have had an accident.  When he finally got back with Noah clothed, it turns out the toilet overflowed and got all over his clothes.  Gross, but so funny!

Since then over the next 5 months or so, we've been making progress.  We had about a week or so of regression where he was peeing in his pants and did not care at all, but overall we've been moving forward in potty training.  Little did I think potty training was actually a year long process!!!!  I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that Noah's failures in potty training are related to the phase of life he's in, which is worthy of a blog post all on its own. 

I can tell you that this last week has been amazing.  He's been doing really well asking to go potty everytime, even when he has to poop.  He's been good at daycare, home, out, church or even when he's with someone else.  I hope and pray we've really turned a corner and are just about there.  He does still wear a pull-up at night.  We went through a month or two where he was getting up at night, I think to go potty but we never really tried to night train him yet.  The plan is to try again at the end of the year when we have some time off.  We have been working with him to potty train during naptime.  And for now, it's about 50% wet and 50% dry so we are still working with that.

If I had to do this over again, I would have started earlier, like when he was 2 instead of waiting for him to be in this "testing his limits" phase.  Sometimes he will literally rip his pants off and use his "hose" as a weapon to assert his independence by peeing all over everything.  Last night he even stood over his sister and pretended like he was going to pee on her.  He didn't but it's things like that that make me think if we had really fully trained him earlier, he wouldn't act like this, at least not with potty training.  I think one thing that has helped that is getting punished or time-outs for having accidents.  Not all accidents.  We are very careful to recognize true, honest accidents that he just needs love and reassurance and the accidents were he knew exactly what he was doing and he did it for attention. 

I think the best advice is to relax.  I'm a very clean and controlling mom (I know it), so it's hard to potty train since it seems like it's so out of my control.  But even when he was accidents (true accidents), you just clean it up and go, don't make a big deal out of it.

Ok, so that was a novel and you deserve a cookie if you made it to the end.  Any other tips you'd like to share with me would be great.  Like I've said before, I'm not an expert and always love advice!  I also pray and am convinced that Emilee will be worlds easier to potty train.  She hates wet diapers so convincing her to pee like a lady will be no problem at all.  Plus now I've been through one so I feel way more confident to do it again.