34w1d - Christmas

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.  David and I spent the Sunday before Christmas at my Aunt Mary's (on my dad's side) and Christmas Day at my Aunt Lisa's (mom's side).  Christmas Eve, we went to my dad's house and ate and open gifts with my brother, Alicia, and my dad.  I got all kinds of neat things including a snuggie, lots of Christmas decorations, reed diffusers, a wood wick candle, and a scarf set (something I needed badly). 

 

In baby news, I had a doctor's appointment this past Wednesday.  I gained 2 pounds in 2 weeks, which is normal.  My blood pressure and the baby's heartrate is great.  So nothing really big to report there.  We did discuss our birth plan with our doctor and I can't believe how wonderful our doctor is about everything.  I'm not sure if we just have an amazing doctor or if all the hype about the bad doctors is a little overexagerated, but we came in there ready to fight him on some of the issues and really, there were no issues with anything.  Basically, he said that he is there to make sure everything goes ok, but this is our day and our baby and we can choose to do things any way that we want.  He also has no problem overriding the hospital procedures.  This is hopefully one huge hurdle we have cleared in our whole labor and delivery process.  Now we just need to practice more often and get ready for the big day, which also means I really need to pack my bag.

 

We also met with 2 pediatricians this past week.  Both seemed extremely nice and friendly.  One was a woman and one was a man.  At first David was pretty insistent that he wanted our son to see a man doctor, but I think now it's not that big of a deal.  I'm still not sure which one to choose, but I guess we don't have to until we get to the hospital.

 

My next doctor's appointment is January 6.  After that, I believe that I will start going weekly.  My plan is to keep everyone much more updated in these last few weeks.  It seems like other things in my life are calming down and I have a lot more time to get things done.  It also helps that work has been slowing down, too. 

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

32w1d

Sorry I've been so bad about updating. Nothing too exciting has happened lately. I've started feeling more tired, out of breath, heartburn, but nothing too unbearable. We've gotten most of the items we were still missing before he gets here. I feel like we are pretty ready except I need to do some organizing in the nursery, laundry, finalize the birth plan, start packing, etc...

Here's a pretty good picture that I thought I would add. It was taken Sat night at the BKD Christmas Party.

30w2d - Another Shower and Dr's Appt

I apologize for not updating more frequently.  I've been pretty busy with the holiday and everything else going on.  I had my shower last Sunday (November 22) and it turned out great.  I was thrilled to see everyone and all the cute outfits and other things that Noah will get to use.  I was also happy that Danielle has been in town for the last week or so.  She spent the night twice and we got to spend lots of good times together. 

 

Thanksgiving was good.  We hosted it at our house this year and I think we had a good turnout with lots of good food.  I know it's hard for most of my family to drive all the way down to Fenton, but I really did have a good time.  Although I was exhausted by the end of the day!!!

 

I had another doctor's appointment on November 25 (Wed).  Everything looks good.  My glucose test came back at 84 (normal is below 140), so I'm in the clear for Gestational Diabetes for now.  Noah is still head down and growing with a nice strong heartbeat.  Our next appointment will be with my doctor's brother who is in the same practice.  He likes me to see the other doctors in the practice at least once so just in case he can't make it to the delivery, I will be familiar with the doctor. 

 

Also on Wednesday, we went out and looked at three daycare centers.  What we got out of the trip was that we really like the idea of an in-home daycare versus a daycare center.  We liked some of the ones we saw, but for the price and the fact that you still have to pay whether the kid is out sick or the daycare is closed for a holiday, I just like in-home daycare better, at least for the first year when he just has needs like feeding and changing and the emphasis is not big on learning or structure yet.  Once he starts getting older, then I think a structured environment would be good.

 

We've started acquiring a ton of baby stuff now that we've had our showers and we can start purchasing what we are still missing.  We aren't sure yet how much newborn and 0-3 month clothing he'll need, but I think he has sufficient amounts for now, we can always go out and get more.  Or if we have too much we can always use them for another child in the future.  We've also gotten the swing, baby monitor, exersaucer (thank you, Black Friday deal), and a few other big items.  The only big things we are missing now is some smaller stuff like pacifiers, bottles, drying rack, booties and hats, carrier cover and then stuff he can use as he gets older especially for feeding.  It's starting to all feel very real and I can't wait for him to make his appearance, although he needs to stay in and keep cooking for another 10 weeks or so (at least 7 so he's not premature).  I can't believe how close we are getting, yet it still seems so far away. 

28w3d - SURPRISE Baby Shower

I had my surprise baby shower thrown by my aunt's on Saturday, November 14.  I was told there was a "football" party.  I did get somewhat suspicious though, but I still had a great time.  I got lots of goodies including our travel system (from ALL of my aunt's regardless of what David says) and the playard (from my Dad).  I enjoyed the fact that the guys were there since David was able to be there when I opened all the gifts and my dad was able to be there when I opened his.  We also got a ton of other stuff that I'm sure will be very useful!!  Thank you to everyone!  I will try and get some pictures of the shower and our goodies up later.

 

That morning, I went to a LLL meeting which stands for La Leche League.  If you've never heard of them, they are an organization dedicated to breastfeeding.  There were the other 2 girls from my birthing class and 3 breastfeeding moms there.  I learned a lot of useful information on clothing I should buy, pumps, problems that could occur, etc.  I doubt I'll go back until after the baby is born, but it's nice to know there is such a supportive group out there.

 

Also, I had another doctor's appointment on November 11.  This marks the last of my 4-week appointments, I will now go every 2 weeks until I hit 36 weeks, I think.  I have gained about 5 pounds since my last appointment which is pretty good since my weight at the last appointment was back up to my "pre-pregnancy" weight.  My blood pressure looked good too.  I asked the doctor about the position of the baby and he said that Noah is head down with his butt on my left side and his feet out towards my right side.  It's no guarantee he'll stay in that position, but it's a good sign.  We also had a pretty good conversation with our doctor about natural birth and what we can and can't do.  Basically, he said we can do whatever we want as long as things are progressing normally.  Once we have our birth plan together in a few weeks, we'll give that to him and we can discuss issues more in depth, but basically he's seems very cool with everything we want to do.  He even said that having a doctor at the birth is "optional" and he strongly feels most women could give birth without a doctor just fine, but that he will be there in case something goes wrong.

 

This Sunday is my planned shower (hosted by Danielle and Kristina).  I'm also looking forward to Danielle being in town for a whole week!  Also, today is my glucose test.  Wish me luck!!!

26w6d - Birth Place Tour

Today we went and took a tour of the hospital we are planning to give birth in. For those of you who don't know where, we are planning on going to St. Clare's Hospital in Fenton. My doctor's office is already there plus it's less than 10 minutes away, so it definitely makes the most sense.

The birth place at the hospital has about 15 rooms where you will labor, deliver, and recover. The rooms were HUGE. Because they are a smaller hospital, everything seemed more personal. The nurses seemed very flexible and open to any birth plan. I think the biggest thing was making sure our doctor was ok with our birth plan which we plan to do on Wednesday at our next appointment.

Everything else is going well. Noah is kicking around like crazy. I'm getting excited about the holidays coming up. I'll update again after our doctor's appointment.

25w5d - Birthday!!!

Not Noah's birthday, MY BIRTHDAY!  It's on Nov 1 (Sunday).  We are celebrating by going to the Melting Pot for dinner tonight.  That is one of my favorite restaurants so I can't wait!!!  Then for Halloween tomorrow, we are just planning on sticking around the house and handing out candy especially since there are a ton of kids in our neighborhood.  Sunday is my actual birthday but right now, we don't have any plans.  May possibly try to catch a movie and catch up on the DVR.  Basically, a lazy weekend is ahead!!!

 

Everything else with the baby and pregnancy is going fine.  He's kicking and being a lot more active every day.  I'm to the point where if I'm lying still on my back you can see my belly move.  Our childbirth classes are going well, too.  After each class, I'm more and more sure that naturally is definitely the way we want to go.  I also have more and more confidence in myself that this is something I can do.  I'm just praying to God that everything turns out ok so that we can continue on with our plan.  I'm afraid I'll find out he's breech or in distress and then we'll have to make the decision to do a C-section or something else when we really didn't want to do that. 

 

My next doctor's appointment is on November 11.  We are also planning to do a birth place tour soon.  On Nov 25 - I took the day off work so we could go tour day care centers.  So far, we've only set up 3 places - Happy Time, Child Time, and Kinder Kare.  We are looking for a place that isn't too far out of our daily route to work, so if anyone has any suggestions, please let us know.  We are also still looking into home daycares, but it seems like most places, the centers included, don't have any waiting list and we'll just have to wait until closer to May to decide. 

24w3d - Finished Nursery

Here are pictures of the "pretty much" finished nursery. We are thinking of hanging the comforter on the wall to the left of the crib so that's why there's a big blank space there. Otherwise, we just need picture frames and other baby stuff to fill the room. Also, my dad is building a tray to go around the changing pad. I'll take a couple more pictures once those items are done, plus any new stuff that is added. ENJOY!

23w5d - Bradley Classes

So here is THE post about our childbirth class and why we are choosing this method.  I really like to talk about this but because of "certain" reactions I have gotten, David and I have decided that unless someone else brings up the topic, we are not going to talk about this anymore.  And if you are that someone who brings up the topic, please be understanding to why we are choosing this method and don't be critical.  You don't have to agree with us for why we are doing it this way.

 

So first of all, a little background on the Bradley method.  It was developed by Dr. Robert Bradley and a quick google search will get you any information on him or his theories that you could ever imagine.  Not to mention his book, Husband-Coached Childbirth.  The main ideas are that he believes in the husband having a "coach" role and being just as much a part of the birth as the mother.  The method focuses on natural childbirth and as Dr. Bradley explains "that's how animals do it".  Instead of Lamaze classes that teach distraction and focal points, the Bradley method teaches you to focus on the pain and relax.  Most of the pain caused in labor is actually a result of your body tensing up.  To relax, you can use exercises, breathing techniques, and teaching your body to relax on command.  This is where the husband comes in.  He can "train" your body using his voice and touch to relax so that you can let yourself do what you are supposed to do during birth. 

 

The method also emphasizes laboring at home (or having a home birth) and using little or no interventions.  First of all, we do not plan on having a home birth.  We plan 100% to give birth at a hospital, St. Clare to be specific.  We would like to labor at home for as long as possible, since that makes it easier to relax and resist the use of drugs.  Once we do get to the hospital, I don't necessarily have a problem with fetal monitoring and IV's.  I would, however, like to avoid any drugs as well as a C-section.  Obviously there is a time when I may have to choose between these options, and while not ideal, it's just something we'll have to deal with at the time.

 

We had our first class last night and I feel very confident in myself and David that we can do this.  I just hope now that our doctor, who isn't exactly a Bradley friendly doctor, but not really anti-Bradley either, will be on the same page with all of this and that Noah will come out as planned.  I don't know what else to say about it right now, but maybe I'll elaborate more in the future as we go through more classes.  I hope everyone can understand where we are coming from and just be supportive of us.  Thanks!

23w4d - Update to Flu Shot

Just wanted to let everyone know that I had my flu shot today.  David's work has a MinuteClinic downstairs and they had a supply of the flu shots.  They were $30 but they are supposed to be covered by our insurance, so we didn't pay anything today.  We've had issues in the past with them covering our visits at MinuteClinic, so we'll see!  I'm happy to have found a place, since every other place (my OB, our primary doctor, Walgreens) is out.  I'm headed home now to get ready for our first Bradley class - I'll let everyone know how it goes.

23w3d - Dr's Appt

Had another doctor's appointment today. I have to say that for an ob/gyn, my doctor is very punctual with his appointments. I don't recall ever having to wait longer than 5 minutes. BUT TODAY....David and I waited over an hour. He did apologize when we finally got in and we were being patient, so it was fine. Hope this doesn't become a regular occurrence, though.

Regardless, everything is looking good, my tummy measures good, my weight gain is good, blood pressure fine, heartbeat strong...everything a mom-to-be could hope for. The good news - I didn't have to get stuck with a needle today. The bad news - They weren't able to give me the flu shot because they don't have any. I don't want to go into a huge debate here on whether or not I should even get the shot, I'm getting shot. My doctor suggested checking around to other places in case I find one there before I make it back to their office next month. It sucks because my work is doing free flu shots, but they have preservatives in them so me being pregnant can't have it. Any suggestions on a place I can go to??? My insurance covers them normally, so I hate to pay more than $25 since that's my primary doctor's co-pay anyway.

We FINALLY got the rest of our bedding set in. It's not quite all put together yet because I need to buy some "baby" detergent and wash some of it. Now we are just waiting on our glider which will hopefully come in the next week or so. I also can't believe how close my shower is getting. Tomorrow is our first Bradley birth class. I really want to go into more detail about these classes and why David and I chose to take these classes, but I'm tired and it will have to wait for another night.

23w1d

I thought I'd write another post even though I don't really have anything too exciting to write about, but still, it's been 2 weeks...

We're getting closer to finishing his room. Mostly we need our glider and bedding to come in. Then we can finish putting up the letters and window valence. I have another doctor's appointment on Wed, nothing too special. On Thursday, we have our first birth class which I'm really excited about!!!! I'll post again after those two events happen.

Oh and the baby moves all the time now, it's fun to feel him moving all around, but sometimes it's at the inopportune time and can get a little uncomfortable. I'm sure it just gets better!!

21w0d - Name and Letters

We have decided on a name and we have decided to tell everyone. The name will be:


Noah David Porter


We really like this name and have been thinking of it for a while, so it's not really that big of a surprise that we stuck with that one.

Once we had decided the name, we wanted to buy some wooden letters and paint them to put above his crib. At first, I was just going to do plain colors to match his room, but then I decided I would get a little creative and try and match some of the patterns in his bedding. Here's the result:



Please let me know what you guys think....I was really nervous as I'm not the most creative and artistic person but I'm pleased with the result. Here's a link to the bedding to get an idea of how they'll look with everything:



Noah has been moving around a lot lately. The other night on the couch, David even got to feel him move, but I'm pretty sure that was mostly because of the position I was in. I'm sure as he gets bigger, his movements will be both felt and seen from the outside. I can't wait to meet the little guy...19 more weeks!!!

20w1d - Clothing

I thought I'd post a few cute outfits we've bought so far. Haven't decided which one will be his homecoming outfit, but I'm leaning towards the dinosaur one.

20w0d - Halfway There!!!

That's right, I'm 20 weeks along, so only 20 weeks left.....

This weekend we worked on the nursery. We said GOODBYE to the watermelon room and welcomed soothing blue for our turtle nursery. It took 2 coats of blue primer to cover the bright pink and green. Overall, I think the room turned out great. We also installed a ceiling fan which replaced a basic dome light that used to be there. That will be nice since we also installed a remote. Oh, and the nightstand I've had for years, but we gave it a new coat of paint and replaced the hardware. It is currently sitting in the spot that the glider will sit and the night stand will sit next to it.

Here are the before and after pics:

BEFORE



DURING




AFTER






We are still waiting to get the rest of our bedding and to decorate the rest of the room, but I'd say we have made good progress so far.

19w5d - Dr's Appt and Sick

Sorry I didn't update after my doctor's appointment on Wednesday.  I have been really busy and not feeling very well.  The appointment went well.  I gained 2 pounds since my last appointment 4 weeks ago.  Not too bad, but mainly he is focused on the baby's growth which is good.  He said the heartbeat sounds good and he looked over my ultrasound and the baby is looking good.  He told me next time I come in (Oct 14), I will most likely get the flu shot and the swine flu shot if they have it by then.  I told him that I wasn't feeling good and he put me on a Z-pac (antibiotics) to try and prevent or get rid of any infections I might have.  Hopefully what I have is just a mild cold and it'll go away over the weekend.

 

In the meantime, we have been working on the nursery.  Right now, it's all sanded down and ready to paint.  We've picked out our paint colors and plan to do all that this weekend.  Once it's finished, I'll take pictures and post them here.  We're still waiting on our glider to arrive (around the beginning of November) and the rest of our bedding to come in (in a few weeks). 

19w0d - Registry and Nursery work

We decided that since we now know our little one is a boy, we could go ahead and register. So we did that on Saturday at Babies R Us. I was surprised at how helpful they were and after a LONG 3 hours, I think we got most of it. There were a few items we had to do online because they didn't have it in the store. After that, I thought I would feel extremely overwhelmed at everything we need, but instead I just got really excited about this baby coming sooner and sooner.

My dad came over today and aside from some other work around the house, we did pull down the chair rail and start prepping the room to be transformed into our baby boy's nursery. I will certainly post pictures when we get closer to being finished. It's going to look so neat, I'm sure of it!

Other than that, I'm feeling pretty good. Still feeling the twitches and movements of the baby, but nothing like real kicks yet. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and I'll update after that!!

18w3d - It's a .....

BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

David and I are both very excited. Everyone had us convinced it would be a girl, but it was definitely a boy. Baby was measuring about 19weeks so a little ahead, but still within range. Everything else looked fantastic!!

Here's a picture of the baby's profile:






And here's the "money" shot:

18w1d - Movements

So I have finally started feeling what I think is the baby moving. It feels like twitches or bubbles or water moving around. Sometimes it's hard to tell for sure, but I bet they get stronger as the days go by.

Wed is our ultrasound and next doctor's appointments. We are very excited to hopefully find out what this little baby is (boy or girl) as well as just seeing him/her again and making sure they are healthy and growing. I will certainly update everyone on Wed with the results!!!

Headaches have still been my #1 complaint but since we had a long weekend and I haven't been working, they haven't been as bad. My other "new" complaint is back aches. The baby book says that now that I am adding more weight to my stomach area (even though I'm not gaining that much weight overall), it is changing my center of gravity which makes your back ache more.

We had a pretty good long weekend, didn't do too much and definitely today, I'm just resting and taking it easy for the most part.

16w6d - Furniture Pictures

Here are the pictures of our newly delivered furniture. We are repainting the room, so don't get attached to the watermelon colors.






In other news, I had a very stressful and emotional week due to car issues and a cell phone that did not want to work but in the end, we got the car fixed with a warranty covering a part of the cost and a brand new iphone so all in all, it worked out (don't things always seem to work out?).

I'm now going to continue enjoying the fabulous weekend we are having. Still counting down the days to the big ultrasound....11 days left!!!

16w3d - Baby's heartbeat

David was cool enough to figure out how to record and put the baby's heartbeat on the computer. Sorry about the background noise from Conan. ENJOY!!!!

16w2d - FURNITURE

We bought the baby's room furniture this past weekend.  We thought it took 12 weeks to order and deliver which is true, except when we got to the store on Saturday, we found out that the furniture we wanted was being sold as a floor model (they aren't discontinuing it, they just have too many of that set on the floor).  It just so happens that it's in perfect shape and it's the exact pieces we wanted.  SO, we bought it and for like $400 cheaper too!!!! Since it was a floor model, we could have it delivered whenever.  I talked to the furniture movers and they apparently are already going to be in our area on Saturday so that's when we are having it delivered.

 

People will probably think I'm crazy for having our baby furniture set up 5 months early, but hey, at least I'm prepared!!!

 

We weren't as lucky finding a glider/ottoman.  We really like the brand Dutailier, but we are finding very few sellers in this area.  Babies r Us has 2 models and then we can special order the finish and fabric and that might be what we do.  I don't really care that it takes 10 weeks, although I've heard horror stories about special ordering and I wasn't too thrilled with the knowledge (or lack thereof) that the sales people there had.  I wasn't too happy about the pricetag either but after shopping and researching, I've found that to get a really good nice glider with the features I want (nursing stool, covered arms, etc), I'm just going to have to pay that much.  We'll do more searching for the glider this weekend. Oh and I'll post pictures of our new baby furniture set up in the baby's room.

 

Still counting down the days till our big ultrasound (and no, no movement yet)...

15w5d - Quick update

I thought I'd give everyone a quick update although I don't have any "real" news to post about.  Things have been going well.  I still haven't felt the baby move or anything yet, although I hope it will be soon!  The only "symptoms" I'm really having is occasional stomach pain, not really nausea, just general pain or maybe it's more of a bloating/fat feeling.  Also, those prescription meds the doctor gave me for my headaches works wonders.  No side effects!!!  I bought a pillow that goes between my legs and next to my belly and it's so much nicer to sleep with that these days.  I bet once my belly gets really big, it'll be hard to sleep any way. 

 

We pull out our doppler machine and use it every once and again and each time we are able to find the heartbeat with no problems.  It's always in the high 140's or low 150's, which I've read is on the higher side which is suppose to mean we are having a girl, but I guess we'll find out in like 3 weeks!

 

Other than, we've been busy with work, cleaning the house, enjoying summer, and watching Cardinal baseball (GO CARDS!).  I'll try and update again before our big ultrasound - hopefully with news that the baby moved!!!

14w3d - Another Doc's Appt

I had my 3rd prenatal appointment today. The doctor used his doppler machine and I was amazed at how quickly he is able to find the baby's heartbeat vs. when I try to do it at home. I guess that's why he's the doctor. Anyway, baby's heartbeat is nice and strong. He felt my tummy and said my uterus is growing and right on schedule, so it's not a big deal that I've lost weight. I love my doctor, he even told me that I should just eat whatever I want. If I'm craving something, just eat it. That's probably why I've lost weight....I try to avoid bad foods and nothing else sounds good, so then I just don't eat, which isn't healthy for anyone. So I'm going to try to be better.

Other than that, he gave me a prescription for my headaches that I can take "as needed". It does have some caffeine in them which I guarantee you will help my migraines. He said it was a safe level, but I will still only use them when I absolutely have to. I'd rather sleep it off if I can.

I made my next appointment for 4 weeks on September 9. I also scheduled the BIG ultrasound for the same day (right before my doc's appt). I'm not sure if it's good or bad that the ultrasound will be on 9/9/09. I also found out that they just got a new ultrasound machine and it does 3D...I'm so excited!!!!

In other news, I have found out that 2 people I know have found out they are also pregnant. I won't reveal their names, because I don't believe they have told everyone. But I'm super excited to be able to share this with them and we can all go through it together. I'll update again when something exciting happens...hopefully feeling the baby. Otherwise, it will be after the big ultrasound.

13w0d - 2nd trimester and furniture

I'm officially in the 2nd trimester - go away morning sickness, come back energy levels!!! I'm excited to start seeing my belly grow, find out the sex, decorate the nursery, feel the baby kick and all the exciting stuff that comes in these next 12 weeks or so.

I forgot to mention in my last post that I'm pretty sure we've narrowed down the furniture we want. Here's a link: http://www.bonavita-cribs.com/metro.html. I know it doesn't show the color but we are going with white. I love how sturdy the crib is and it really seems like this is furniture that will last for a LONG time. The plan is to use this furniture for each future child and then at some point, possibly use this furniture for our last child throughout their childhood. Anyway, we'll probably order it soon to make sure we get the price we want and allow enough time for delivery and everything.

12w6d - Maternity Clothes

Well I did it! I bought my first pair of maternity pants today!!! Some of my dress pants were just getting too tight for comfort so I went to Motherhood Maternity (outlet) to see what was available. I thought this place was GREAT!!! They helped me find everything I was looking for and then I went into the dressing room and I tried them on. They even have this thing to wear to look like you are 9 months pregnant so you can see how the pants will look then. I ended up with 2 pairs for $50 which I didn't think was too bad. We also went to Burlington Coat Factory, specifically the baby depot. I really didn't care for their furniture, but we did finally see the turtle bedding we had picked out online. It just reconfirmed how much I love this set and how much I'm hoping for a boy. We have a set picked out for a girl too.

I decided next time I go shopping for maternity clothes which will probably be a few months away I will need a female mother to go with me. I have no idea what I'm doing and bless David's heart, but he's a guy. So I'm taking volunteers... :-)

11w1d - Heartbeat!!!

We purchased our own fetal doppler machine and tried it out for the first time tonight. We were able to find the heartbeat pretty quickly although my heartbeat kept getting in the way so we couldn't get a steady reading. Anyway, it was exciting and I can't wait to keep trying it out. These days I'm super tired. Nausea is starting to go away for sure.

10w4d - 2nd prenatal appt

So I had my 2nd prenatal appointment last night.  Basically, we just did weight, blood pressure, etc.  Then he was going to use the doppler machine to try and find the heartbeat.  I got his disclaimer that he may not be able to find it this early or it may take him a little while to find it, so I shouldn't freak out.  I said ok, and we got started.  He placed the probe on my belly and right away, there it was.  We didn't measure it, but he said it sounded very strong and healthy.  It's just so reassuring to hear a heart beating inside your belly (also kind of alien like..hehe).  After that we discussed a few questions I had and made my next appointment for August 12 and we were on our way!  I honestly think I waited in the waiting room longer than the actual appointment.

 

David and I decided to buy our own doppler to be able to hear the heart beating whenever we want.  It will be kind of neat to hear it whenever and reassuring if we think something is wrong.  It wasn't that expensive, about $120 from amazon and from what I hear, pretty reliable.  Mine even has a digital readout on it, so I can actually measure it.  I should get that on Monday, so I'll try it out then and let you all know what I think.

 

Other than that, I do feel like the nausea and morning sickness are definitely on their way out, which is great because I was worried when all these people start telling me that their morning sickness lasted all 9 months....really, cuz I didn't need to hear that...haha!  I'm still super tired, but trying to keep up with housework and other stuff that needs to get done.  Other than that, I have no other news to report for now.  Thanks for listening to my ramblings...

10w0d - 25% done

I am so excited that I've made it this far with no sign of miscarriage. I'll feel better after we get to Aug 2, which is when I start my 2nd trimester. It does seem like the nausea and morning sickness is either getting better or I'm getting used to it. The biggest change of food I've noticed is not that I'm eating more, I'm actually eating less, but I get hungry often. Strangely, that has caused me to lose about 5 pounds. From what I understand, that's normal.

Also kind of strange, even though I've lost weight, my pants are getting tight. I'm definitely bloated. My stomach is really hard. I've also noticed that some of my tighter pants aren't fitting anymore. I'm trying to stick with more stretchy pants. I also bought a bella band so that I could continue to wear some of my regular pants longer or if I need to, wear maternity pants a little sooner. I'm excited to start actually showing and not just look fat, though...haha!

I have my 2nd prenatal appointment this Wed, July 15, so I'll update again then.

9w1d - Fetus

I didn't realize it but apparently at 9 weeks, my little bean graduates from embryo to fetus.  Exciting milestones!!

8w6d - Fourth of July

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!!!! I hope everyone is having a fun and safe holiday!! David and I are currently visiting Danielle and Travis in Dallas, TX. They have taken us to a bunch of great restaurants and lots of shopping. Tonight we are going to go to a firework display, which should be a good time.

So far the nausea hasn't been too bad only when I don't eat regularly. The heat has been pretty crazy though, so I'm definitely glad I'm not like 8 months pregnant or something. Ok, well I don't have much else to write about, so I'll update again after my next appointment on July 15.

7w6d - Furniture

Well things are going...I spent the last week in Champaign, IL doing some training for work. It was ok, but I'm certainly glad to be home. Today we decided to go baby furniture shopping. We've been to Babies R' Us before and we weren't extremely happy with their selection, so we thought we would try and find some other stores. In St. Louis, we found Goodnite Rooms in Valley Park and Treasure Rooms in Chesterfield. Treasure Rooms was pretty big and we found a few options (definitely better than the selection at BRU). Then I think we found a really good one at Goodnite Rooms. Here's a link to the manufacturer's website:

http://www.babysdream.com/Products/Ocean/Default.htm

We are looking at the glacier color (white) and we would probably get the crib, dresser/changer combo, and the chest. What I like about the crib is the drop-gate. I like the idea of drop side cribs since I'm shorter but I hate the fact that they are unsturdy. The drop gate is extremely sturdy and yet it still gives me the ability to reach into the crib since I'm shorter. We also really like the design of this set. We'll definitely keep looking and aren't 100% set on anything yet.

I was surprised to learn that most places it takes about 12 weeks to order the furniture and another couple of weeks to deliver and assemble. So I'm thinking we will probably decide on something by around 20 weeks which should give us enough time to order, etc plus then we can pick out the bedding and paint before the furniture comes.

In other news, the nausea is still here which I'll take as a good sign for now. Pregnancy brain is also still here...David has taken my driving privledges away. On Wed, July 1, David and I are headed to Dallas, TX to visit Danielle and Travis until Sun, July 5. I'm super excited for a mini-vacation and hoping that the nausea and sick feelings will stay here in St. Louis. I will miss Buddy though...he's going to Grandpa's. Ok, I think this post is long enough. I'll post more when I get back...

6w5d

Well, the morning sickness and nausea has definitely kicked in!  The first thing I have to do in the morning is eat or I'll be too sick to do anything.  I have yet to actually throw up but at this point, that's gotta feel better than just feeling like you have to throw up, right?  I'm still hungry all the time and I think that's mostly because I'm getting "fuller" at meals than I used to.  So my body is forcing me to eat smaller meals more often, which is what my doctor says I should do anyway.  I'm also trying to drink tons of water. 

 

I've also had this pain in my lower back near my tailbone.  It's been around for weeks, but it's gotten to extreme pain this week.  I've taken a pillow to work and it helps at times.  At home, I just try and stay reclined to take the pressure off of the area.  I'm hoping after a more or less relaxing weekend, it goes away or at least to the point where I don't have to wince in pain everytime I move.

 

I hope everyone has a good weekend and a great Father's day!!!

6w3d - My first appointment!

Well I went in for my first prenatal appointment today. Dr. B said I was still a little early, he usually doesn't see his patients until 8 weeks, but that's when the receptionist scheduled the appointment, so... Dr. B said we'll just see what we can see! So he started the ultrasound and right away, he found the gestastional sac and the yolk sac. You could see the blob that is our baby, it was sooo neat! Then we saw the best thing EVER...the heart beating! He put the sound on and you could hear it, but it kept moving so he couldn't get a consistent beat to measure, but it definitely looked steady and strong. The baby was measuring 6w1d but it's still early and that's still a great measurement. He also did a pap smear (not sure what he's looking for there). We also discussed all my future appointments and basically what I can or can't do. Dr. B is great, he basically said I can do anything I was doing before I got pregnant, other than the obvious drinking, etc.

I go back for my next 4 week appointment on July 15. In the meantime, I'm still nauseous, but I'm learning to deal with it a little better. I need to make sure I eat first thing in the morning, make sure I always have food around, especially crackers, and drink lots of water. I'll keep you guys posted on any new news...

5w4d - How to stop worrying about miscarriage?

I wish I knew the answer to this question, but I definitely don't!  It seems like this is the main concern for my "worries" lately.  There's nothing that has happened so far to make me think that it will, but I still worry.  I have had zero bleeding or spotting.  I have had some cramps, but they are either mild cramps, which I hear is quite normal for pregnancy anyway or they are what I found to be called "round ligament pains".  Basically, it means your uterus is starting to stretch and it causes pains.  I feel these sharp pains mostly when I stretch, sneeze, or roll over in bed, so I've pinned it down to that cause.

 

Also, after some research, I found that there are a few reasons why women miscarry.  First, they might not have enough progesterone.  I thought this could be a concern with me since my progesterone was pretty low the first cycle I ovulated, BUT I have been taking progesterone supplements since a few days after I triggered, so I think that would fix that.  Also, I've been taking baby aspirin which is supposed to help blood flow, especially to the uterus to prevent miscarriage.  Other causes could be completely out of my control, such as a chromosonal abnormality.   I realize that even if it does happen, it's not my fault, but that doesn't make it any easier.  I feel like we've been through so much to get to this point, I can't imagine starting over.

 

Technically, the "safe" point would be the end of the first trimester, which for me would be around August 9, but I've also heard that the 10 week point is also a big hurdle and once you are over it, the chances become slim.  I want to slow down and enjoy the pregnancy, but I'm so scared and just want to make sure everything is going to be ok.

 

I'm not that superstitious, but I feel like maybe I jinxed things by telling everybody so soon or by buying a few things already.  I'm sure I'm just crazy, but I can't help but worry.  Ok, that's enough of my rant today.  I can't wait for my appointment next week and I'll update everyone again then.

5w3d and Happy Anniversary

Today is David and I's 3-year wedding anniversary.  I can't believe it's been that long and now we are expecting a little one to join the party!!! We aren't doing anything too exciting tonight since we are taking a mini-vacation to Dallas for July 4th, but just being with David and enjoying our time together especially in anticipation of our baby is enough for me.  Well that and some delivery pizza will do. 

 

So far symptoms have definitely been coming and going.  I welcome symptoms for now just because it keeps the pregnancy real.  I haven't vomited at all, just general quesy and nauseas feeling.  I also have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee.  We also are starting to think that Buddy has figured out what's going on.  He's been very close to me and he has jumped next to me in bed the last couple of nights and wants to lay right on top of me.  He's so cute and he's going to be such a good big brother to the baby. 

 

I have my first appointment and hopefully ultrasound 1 week from today.  I'm hoping that will put my mind at ease a little bit more.  I'm trying to take it 1 day at a time, but I know it's early and things can happen.  I'll post again if anything significant happens or after the appointment.

4w5d

I only have a few people left to tell and then everyone will officially know (I hope I'm not jinxing myself).  Today was an incredibly boring and long day at work.  It was also the first day I've really noticed being extremely tired.  The nausea seems to have come back today as well.  Right now, food doesn't even sound good, everything just makes me want to vomit.  That's really all I have to report for now, I'll write again on Monday.

We did it!!!!!

That's right, we are finally, after 10 LONG months, we are pregnant!!!!!

Today I'm 4 weeks, 4 days and my estimated due date is Feb 7, 2010. That may change after my first appointment on 6/17. So here's what happened:

I really had counted this cycle out so I guess it's true when they say "when you least expect it...". Last week, I took 3 pregnancy tests and they were all positive, but I still had the trigger in my body, so I didn't think too much of it. Although, the lines were getting darker, so I thought maybe something was up. Here's a picture:



On Friday, May 29, I had a follow up visit with my OB (for the D&C that I had last month). Everything looked fine. I actually didn't have a polyp, but just extra endometrial tissue. They removed it and sent it to the lab and everything came back fine. Then I explained some of my symptoms and how my lines were getting darker, so he sent me for a beta blood test to determine the amount (if any) of HCG in my body. Then I would go for another on Monday to see the increase (hopefully).

This past weekend, I went camping, had a great time and tried not to worry about it. Although I was quite nauseous all weekend. When I go home on Sunday, I decided even though I had just peed an hour earlier that I would take a test. The line came up super dark!!! That should have convinced me, but it didn't. So Monday morning, I took a digital and the result showed up within 1 minute.



You'd think I would have been convinced, but I still waited for the doctor to call on Tuesday. He told me that my beta on Friday showed 114 and Monday was 592. That gives me a doubling time of about 30 hours, which is fantastic since they want 48 hours or less.

So everything is going great. I'm still very scared and nervous because it's still early and anything can happen. I'm reassured that my numbers were so strong and that I'm still on progesterone, metformin, and baby aspirin which decreases the risk of miscarriage.

As far as symptoms, I've had some nausea which seems to come and go (no vomiting yet). I've also been waking up in the middle of the night and finding it hard to go back to sleep (that could just be the nerves and excitement though). Finally, I have definite pregnancy brain. I keep forgetting things or messing up the way I talk...it's crazy!

CD 18 Update

20mm!!! That's the size of my eggie on my right side! I'm so proud of it!!! Anyway, since my egg had grown so much, I was able to get the trigger shot on Saturday which means I will ovulate sometime yesterday or today. I should know in 2 weeks or so whether I'm pregnant or not. I'll keep everyone posted.

CD 15 U/S Update

Yesterday (5/13) I had my mid-cycle ultrasound.  It showed 1 follicle on my right ovary at 15.6mm.  That's fantastic that the 1 follicle has grown so much all on its own and that means I don't have to take an FSH injection this cycle.  It's still not big enough for the trigger, so I have to wait a few more days.  I go back on Saturday (5/16) to check on my progress and hopefully trigger that day.  THEN, if we choose to do AI (Artificial Insemination), essentially an IUI, we will go back on Monday for that.  Other than that, nothing else is new.

Cycle #6

I talked with the specialist and we determined that CD 1 had occurred (normally, this isn't too difficult to detect, but because I had post surgical bleeding, it was a little more difficult).  So anyway, CD 1 was on Wednesday (April 29).  I will do the 100mg of Clomid, CD 3-9, again this cycle, so I start that today.  Then I go back for my mid-cycle ultrasound on 5/13 (CD 14) to see how my eggies are doing.  If this cycle is anything like last cycle, we will have to do another FSH injection to get the eggs bigger.  Maybe with some luck, the eggs will be ready to go and I will trigger that day, but unlikely!  I'll update again after my ultrasound.

D&C

I had my hysterscopy and D&C today. Basically, I went in, they took all my vitals, started my IV, and then waited for the doctor. Once Dr. B arrived, he went over the procedure and I asked him about when we can go back to trying or if we needed to wait a month. He said that there was no reason to wait, we should go right back to it. So then I walked over to the room where the procedure was being done, laid down and they started the anesthesia. I was out in no time and the next thing I knew I was waking up. I had quite a bit of cramping at first, but once I laid there for a bit, I was ok. We left and went to McDonalds for breakfast. Now I'm at home relaxing. Still some cramping, but mostly dry mouth. I go back for a follow up visit with the doctor in 4 weeks. I will talk to the specialist tomorrow to determine our next course of action.

Cycle #5 - FAILED

Just got the results back from my STAT blood pregnancy test I took this morning and they were negative.  I am not shocked because I have been spotting lately and I just know Aunt Flo is on her way to see me.  So I go in for the D&C as scheduled tomorrow.  I'm still a little nervous but I'm sure everything will work out fine.  My next hope is that I won't have to wait too long before starting the next cycle again.  Obviously, since I ovulated this month, I will get CD 1 all on my own (no induction necessary), but if the doctor wants me to wait a month, then I'll most likely end up having to take the Prometrium again at the end of some amount of days.  As long as that doesn't end up being the cycle that never ends, I'll be happy to wait a month and go back strong.  I'll update tomorrow after my D&C, in the meantime, I need to deal with these killer cramps!

Ovulation, sweet ovulation!

Well I just got the call from my specialist and my progesterone level was 8.4.  She explained that anything over a 3 means I ovulated.  Anything over an 8 can hold a pregnancy.  So while mine isn't that high, it's still plenty high enough to get and stay pregnant.  So now I wait and see.  I think I'm going to start testing now and if it's positive, then I know it's because of the HCG trigger I had.  But if it's negative, then I know those meds are out of my system and any test after that should be accurate.  At worst case, I am going to do a blood test on Monday and a urine test on Tuesday before my procedure to confirm that I'm not pregnant BEFORE I do the D&C.  After that, I'll have to talk to the doctor before I find out if I can continue right away or if I have to wait a month before I can continue.

 

So far, I feel pretty good.  It's still pretty early, but I have had some food aversions.  For example, we got bbq boneless wings the other night and the smell made me so sick feeling and I normally love those.  Otherwise, I have been EXTREMELY moody, cranky, and emotional lately.  One minute, I'm so mad just because somebody bumped into me and the next I'm in tears.  I feel really good about this cycle, but then again this is the farthest we've ever gotten and I'm so happy that we are making progress.  It's ok if it doesn't happen this cycle, now we know what works and we can keep going in the future. 

Trigger Away!!!!

I went in for my ultrasound tonight and I had ONE big nice follicle - it measured 18.4 mm. So, I got my trigger shot - YOWSERS, that hurt!!! So now we do lots of BD'ing for the next 3 days to catch that little eggie when it releases. I go in for bloodwork next Monday to determine if I ovulated.

Monday, April 13 (CD 17) UPDATE

I just got off the phone with the doctor and he said the polyp is about 1cm which is pretty large and needs to be removed.  He wanted me to come in next week and so then I stopped him to ask about my current treatment and cycle and whether I had to stop mid-cycle (my biggest fear at this point) and he said "oh, no you don't have to stop, we'll just wait till this cycle is over".  So I hate to disclose this but if I trigger today or tomorrow, then I would know if I was pregnant by April 27 which means he will schedule me tentatively for Apr 28 for a D&C to remove the polyp. 

 

So now I'm just hoping that tonight's ultrasound will show a nice big follie that we can do the trigger injection.  I'll keep you posted.

 

Friday, April 10 (CD 14) UPDATE

I thought everything was going fine until I received a phone call from my primary OB and he said that Becky had sent him the ultrasounds we did and wanted him to see that there was something in my uterus, possibly a fibroid or polyp, but that she wasn't necessarily concerned about it. He called me on Friday and said that he was slightly concerned about it and that he wanted me to come in for another ultrasound, but this time with his people at the hospital. He also made it sound like it could be anytime in the next week or so and didn't really make it sound like this would interfere with this cycle's treatment. So, I got on the phone with the scheduling people and they actually had an opening that evening at 6:30, so I said GREAT! I went in and right away she was able to see a polyp. She said it was pretty large and surprised that I wasn't bleeding irregularly or anything, which I'm not. Then she moved on to my ovaries and went to the left one. I didn't think her machine was as clear as Becky's, but I did see the dominant follicle again (or at least one of them). It measured 13mm which is up 2 mm from Thursday, which is what the recommended growth is. So with that, the follicle should have been about 15mm on Sat, 17mm on Sun, and hopefully at least 19mm on Monday, which is big enough for a trigger shot. I also forgot to mention that I called Becky after I got off the phone with my doctor and she told me that lots of girls get pregnant and they have fibroids and polyps and never have any complications. She also said that mine looked like it was at the top and generally, eggs don't implant there, so it shouldn't impact implantation that much.

The other neat thing is she gave us a picture of our 13mm eggie to keep. Below you can see that in the top center of the picture is my left ovary. All the black blobs are cysts/follicles that could potentially hold an egg. There are lots of cysts since I have PCOS. The one large follicle that has the crosshairs around it is my dominant follicle. In this picture, it measured about 11mm.

So as of Monday (today), I'm still waiting to hear back from the doctor about my ultrasound and what he wants to do about it. The best news for me would be that he wants to take care of it, but that I can continue the current cycle first and that there's still a good chance this cycle. If that's true, the other good news is if I have a nice big follie at my ultrasound at 5:30. Wish us luck!!!

Thursday, April 9 (CD 13) UPDATE

I know I'm a little behind, but I wanted to post a separate update about April 9 and April 10 separately.  On April 9, I had an ultrasound scheduled with Becky (well, it was one of her technicians, but still) in the morning.  On the ultrasound, they found 2 great looking follicles on my left side.  One was measuring 11mm and the other 9mm.  All the other follicles on both sides were still around the 4/5mm size.  However, the dominant follicles should have been measuring at least 15mm.  At this point we had to make a decision.  We could 1) do nothing and hope the 2 dominant ones continue growing on their own, 2) use more Clomid and hope that encourages them to grow more, or 3) use an FSH injection to really encourage them to grow.  It was a pretty easy decision when Becky told us that most likely they wouldn't be able to grow on their own anymore at this point and by using Clomid, if it even worked at all, it could potentially recruit all the eggs to grow more which increases the risk of multiples.  So our plan of action was to do the FSH injection and then I would come back on Monday (4/13) to see if the follicles are big enough to trigger ovulation.  The FSH injection was actually delivered to my work and then David gave me the injection that night.  He did a very good job and I'm proud of him.  It really didn't hurt at all.  So far, I never received any side effects from the injection, I didn't even get a bruise. 

On to Cycle #5

I had my ultrasound today.  The technician said I am definitely polycystic (meaning I have PCOS).  My ovaries had so many cysts that she couldn't count them all.  But the way she made it sound, that was a good thing.  Fertile women have lots of cysts, menopausal women have none.  She also noticed a fibroid near the top of my uterus, but nothing to worry about right now.  Other than that, my uterus and ovaries looked fine.  So I'm doing 100mg of Clomid this cycle starting today and going for 7 days (rather than the usual 5 days).  I go back for another ultrasound on April 9 (CD 13) to see how I'm responding to the Clomid.  I'm also doing a Z-pac to clear up any possible infections that could potentially screw up getting pregnant (David gets to take a Z-pac, too, so he can finally get in on this fun that I'm having).  I'm also going to start taking baby aspirin which can help reduce miscarriages and aid in fertility as well.  I can't believe the amount of medication I'm taking.  Today alone I will have taken a prenatal vitamin in the morning, 3 metformin tablets with dinner, 2 clomid pills, and 1 baby aspirin...that's 7 pills!!!!  Anyway, it's all worth it.  Guess it's time for my moodiness and hot flashes.

Dieting

I got my insulin results back and they were 20.  Becky says that normal is below 17.  To help this, I will continue taking Metformin, although I am spreading the pills out during the day.  I am also going to make a good effort at exercising harder and trying a low-carb diet.  The low-carb diet is going to be so hard for me, but I am going to try really hard and attempt to try new foods along the way.  I think if I see myself losing weight, I may be more likely to stick with it.  Becky wants to re-test me again in a few months to see if these things are helping.  I also decided that as part of my exercise, I'm going to start running.  I know I had issues trying to run in high school, but I think with the right shoes and starting at the right pace and times, I can build myself up.  I'm hoping to get David in on this, too!  I'll update again after my ultrasound around March 27 (depends on what AF gets here).

Ending Cycle #4

I just got an email from Becky and she said that the test results showed that I did not ovulate, so I am to start the Prometrium right away. She hasn't received the results back from the insulin test, so I don't know anything about that yet. I do have to say that I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE Becky. She is going to send in a prescription for 60 pills (2 pills a day for 30 days) even though I only need 10 pills (1 pill a day for 10 days). The reason is because my copay of $50 (it's at the highest level) is for a 30 day's supply, so it doesn't matter whether I'm getting 10 pills or 60 pills, it's the same cost. So she is doing the 60 pill prescription and I'll have enough for 6 months making it less than $10 per month. Ideally, though, whatever we do next cycle will cause me to ovulate and I will either get pregnant or get my period on my own, so I won't even need the prometrium, but just in case, she saved me lots of money which I'll need for other fertility stuff. Based on my calendar, I should have my period around March 27.

PARINTS Update

So I had my appointment at PARINTS yesterday. The person I met with was Becky Kubula, who is the executive nurse/owner of PARINTS. She was also the same person that I called and made an appointment with and she will basically be the person I have most of my communication with, although I may have some of the procedures done by the other staff. She is the only full time employee, her staff is only part time to keep costs down. She seems really easy to get ahold of, I have her phone number and she is there from about 7am-7pm and on Saturdays, and I have an email and she responds really quickly to both of those methods. She also reads bloodwork results and responds to the patient within 24 hours.

The first thing she wanted me to do was have a full blood workup. This included some tests for my insulin and glucose levels to see if I'm insulin resistant, chem panel to see if my kidneys/liver are responding ok to the Metformin I've been on, also a pregnancy test and progesterone levels to see if I ovulated. I'm assuming it will come back negative for both of those. Assuming that, I will then get started on the prometrium to get my period. After that, I will have a base ultrasound to see the position or appearance of my uterus, ovaries, etc. I think she will be looking for any obstructions or abnormalities that would cause me not to ovulate with Clomid. If everything checks out with the ultrasound, I will start another round of Clomid 100mg. This time I will be taking it for 7 days which Becky thinks can have a positive effect on PCOS patients. I'm not sure of the specifics but I believe that I will have several more ultrasounds as it gets closer to O time. Becky thinks that the Clomid may not have "worked" because I was getting the bloodwork too soon (because that's what the doctor ordered - remember he wasn't monitoring me?). I don't care if I ovulate "later" than most people as long as I ovulate! She will also give me an HCG trigger shot when it appears my eggs are ready to be released (I suppose that could have been the problem too).

I'm really excited and happy about working with Becky. She is very helpful and supportive. She has also helped us understand our insurance and what it covers (not a lot!). Also because they are not a doctor's office, they are able to offer very cheap prices for their procedures and drugs. Hopefully my insurance will cover some of the more basic tests (bloodwork and ultrasounds) though. I will update tomorrow when I hear more about my bloodwork.

Selfish Behavior

I understand that infertility is rough and it seems like everyone around you is getting pregnant or having a baby. I've even noticed that it seems like it's on tv shows and in the news more, but I'm sure it's just me (and anyone else trying to get pregnant) that notices. It's a slightly different story when it's actual friends and family that are getting pregnant and having babies. I honestly think the way to handle these situations is to suck it up and deal with it. Yes, it may be hard and you might feel sad, jealous, angry, etc, but the right thing to do is be happy for them. By "be happy for them", I mean go to their baby shower, listen to them tell stories, look at the sonagrams, etc. Just remember that someday you will be pregnant and you will want everyone else to share in your joy, too, not be preocuppied by their own selfish problems. I think it's only natural for everyone to have special days and those people around them should allow them to have their special days and not ruin it for them.

I also have to mention that on a personal note, I am not at all offended or hurt when people announce their pregnancy or are having a baby. I've noticed that people who know I'm trying will look at me to see my reaction when I learn about a new pregnancy. Do they honestly think I'm just going to burst into tears??? I am truly happy for those that were able to conceive and raise children, even if they got pregnant on the first try. There's no rule that someone has to try for x amount of times before they are allowed to be happy about a pregnancy. Pregnancy and having children is something that God enabled women to enjoy and why should others take that away?

Obviously it's hard every cycle there's no ovulation and subsequently no pregnancy, but that certainly does not mean I want others to endure this? I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If I had it my way, everyone would get pregnant on their own on the first try...obviously not a reality. Anyway, I'm done ranting, I just wanted people to know how I felt on the issue and that no one around me should feel ashamed or scared to tell me about their upcoming child.

Update on me: Appt is still set for Mar 12...I will update everyone then.

Infertility

I saw this on another blog and thought it said just how I felt so I thought it would appropriate to copy it here. Thanks, Jill!!!

Infertility HURTS! I do not know any comparison that I can give you to explain what it feels like. There is NOTHING you can compare it to. And if you have never gone through it…..please, please don’t tell someone who is that you “understand”. Until you live it…..you will NEVER understand. All I can tell you are these things….. Every day I wake up and feel like a failure….like I am abnormal….like I am not a “real” girl…..like I am letting my husband and son down. I am a failure because no matter what I do, I cannot MAKE my body function “normally”. I am abnormal because my body doesn’t DO the things it was “designed” to do. I am not a “real” girl because I cannot naturally ovulate, have a period or conceive a child. And I am letting my husband and son down because I cannot give them the child/sibling they desire. I am the broken link in the chain. I look at my body in the mirror and wonder where I went wrong? Did I DO something to “break” it? I see physical characteristics that tell me “you are a girl”….but yet my body won’t ACT like a girl. This is VERY confusing.

I live my life cycle day to cycle day. Every morning that I wake up is a number to me. Today is 15. Some cycle days are more important to me than others. Cycle day one…..that’s the day I start my period. To those of us in the “infertile world” this is a day of either naive hope or overwhelming sorrow. Hope because it means the start of a new cycle….a new chance…a window of opportunity….a possibility that THIS will be THE cycle. Sorrow….well that’s obvious…..another cycle has passed that we yet again did not conceive. Cycle day 12ish through 20ish…..those are the days we pray for an egg. I wake up EVERY morning at 6:00 am, 7 days a week, NO MATTER WHAT, to take my temperature…..every day PRAYING for the blessed temperature dip and later sustained rise confirming I did in fact ovulate. For me, this has NEVER happened. I have NEVER seen it. Though month after month, cycle after cycle, I still plot these numbers faithfully and religiously on my chart. I pour over it for hours looking for patterns, looking for signs, looking for…..hope. It’s never there. Cycle day 28.….well, this is the day…..if we were “normal girls” that we would be preparing to take a pregnancy test (or sadly, preparing for our period to start again). Other days are important too…..depending on what you are going through. For those of us taking meds to force our bodies to ovulate….cycle days 3 - 7 or 5 - 9 are pretty exciting. (Yea, I said exciting.) Those are the days we get to take our pills! Our Clomid or Femara……whatever the drug of choice is for that particular cycle. Cycle days 12, 14, 16, etc……..follie checks (we call them)…..these are the days we go for vaginal (yup….up the coochie) ultrasounds to (hopefully) watch our eggies grow! Cycle day 21.….that’s the day we get (yes, GET) to do a blood test to confirm ovulation (or not). Notice the terminology throughout my explanation? Sadly, those of us in the “infertile world” LOOK FORWARD to every needle stick (blood test), every vaginal probing (ultrasounds), every doctor appointment, every phone call with test results, every pill we swallow, every injection we take……. We pee on sticks almost DAILY! Whether it be an ovulation predictor or pregnancy test. And we do this EXCITEDLY! We accost ourselves by personally checking our cervical position and cervical mucous on a daily basis! (I’m sure I don’t need to draw you a picture.) We do all of this happily, excitedly and with great diligence and faithfulness……all in the name of a baby we can only dream of. And every annovulatory cycle…..every negative progesterone draw…..every negative pregnancy test we die a little more inside. We lose a little more hope. We feel a little more like a failure and disappointment to our husbands.

And here is what I need to say to some of you specifically…..

To healthcare providers…. We are NOT numbers. We are not objects that fill a 15 minute slot in your day and add a little more cushion to your bank account. We are human beings just like you! We think, we feel, we hurt and we NEED YOUR HELP! We gladly add that “cushion to your bank account” because we NEED you. We need your knowledge, your education and your prescription pad. And we also need your time and compassion. We feel very isolated by our problems conceiving and we need someone like you who understands what we mean when we say we feel like we are “broken”. Aside from RE’s…..if you are a general practitioner or an OB/GYN……we need you to remember how much time you spent of your 12+ years of medical school on infertility treatment SPECIFICALLY. I have not attended medical school so I cannot say what portion of your education was focused on that. I have, however, been through nursing school and I know that relatively very little time was allotted to each specific disease process. I would venture a guess to be maybe one chapter in a textbook in the middle of your OB/GYN rotation. We need you to remember that those of us in the “infertile world” have researched and studied NOTHING BUT infertility and it’s treatments for as long as we have been infertile. For me, that is 9 years. We read every article we can find on the internet, every book we can get our hands on, we participate in support groups and message boards where we get information from a sampling of thousands of girls seeing thousands of doctors all around the world! We know infertility and it’s treatments like the backs of our hands! I have never been through IVF but I can tell you the medications, protocol, risks, success rates, etc. as though I am reciting my address and phone number. We need you to trust the knowledge we have acquired. WE LIVE INFERTILITY. We also need you to realize and remember that above and beyond ALL ELSE…..we KNOW our bodies. We have lived with them a lifetime. We know every twitch, twinge, cramp, flutter, pain and spasm and of those WE know what is normal for us and what is not. You see “our bodies” in roughly 15 minute increments once or twice a month (if you are seeing us for infertility)…..we live with our bodies 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Trust us when we say we know something is abnormal for our body. Trust us when we suggest something we would like to try. Don’t let us hurt ourselves…..but give the knowledge we have acquired about infertility and the time we have spent with our own bodies the benefit of the doubt. One last thing…. We need you to remember that WE LIVE INFERTILITY…..every day is a cycle day to us. Every day we hope means we are a little closer to holding our precious baby in our hands. Every appointment and test and medication we pray is getting us one step closer to fulfilling our dream. We know you are very busy and you see lots of patients ….but honestly, those patients don’t matter to us in our quest to overcome infertility. When you (or one of your office staff) say you are going to call us to give us a test result or schedule a procedure, etc on a certain day or at a certain time……we are sitting next to the phone staring at it and begging it to ring. Our ENTIRE DAY is centered around awaiting your call. We post on our message boards that we are waiting to hear from you……our friends ask us a hundred times if you have called us yet……we blow off other calls to keep the line clear for you. The entire journey of infertility is all about WAITING…..waiting for a period, waiting to ovulate, waiting to take a pregnancy test, waiting for a procedure, waiting for a doctor appointment, waiting for a test result…..waiting, waiting, waiting……. Please, PLEASE don’t make us wait for a call you (or your staff) is never going to place. If we are supposed to hear from you for whatever reason…..please call (or assign a staff member to call…..and make SURE they do it) as early as possible.

Next, to well-meaning family members and friends of the infertile… I need to tell you the same thing…..those of us in the “infertile world” LIVE INFERTILITY! Do not tell us to “be patient…it will happen in it’s own time or when it is supposed to”. Do not tell us to “quit thinking about it and it will happen”. Do not tell us for the hundredth time the story of your best friend’s sister who went through 10 years of infertility treatments and finally gave up and started the adoption process and whaddya know?!?!? she turned up pregnant!! We are NOT your best friend’s sister and we don’t plan on giving up on conceiving our own child right now. Just “not thinking about it” isn’t going to make my ANNOVULATORY body MIRACULOUSLY ovulate! And as far as being patient…..we are some of THE most patient people you will ever know! (see above message to healthcare providers) All we are ever doing is WAITING. What we need from you is a shoulder to cry on sometimes and for all you to do is pat us on the back and tell us you hurt for us. Don’t tell us you understand…..you don’t. Don’t tell us that for some reason the timing just isn’t right and it will be better some other time. Don’t ask us every other week if we are pregnant yet. Don’t try to convince us when we are angry with our doctors that they know best. We need you to remember that this is a situation in which we have NO control. We have no control over our bodies or how they are functioning. We have no control over WHEN we will get to add to our families. And unless we are one of the lucky one’s with a doctor who LISTENS to us……we get VERY LITTLE control over our treatment. We are going to have bad days…..days when we feel more frustrated or defeated than others. Be patient with us. And when we are upset because a doctor did not call us back when he said he would……remember, to us, that IS devastating. Do not belittle our frustrations and make us feel as though we are making mountains out of mole hills. Every road block in trying to conceive with infertility to us feels like Mount Everest! We just need you to LISTEN. You can’t fix it. Don’t try. In trying to fix it you will probably just end up saying something that will hurt our already EXTREMELY fragile feelings. (And remember, that most of us are taking hormones which doesn’t help the emotional side of things.) We love you very much! And we need you and your support and understanding. Our infertility is not your fault and we do not blame you for our struggle. Please don’t take our bad days personally. We need you to be our cheerleader when we have successes and our shoulder when we have failures. We just need you to continue being the wonderful, loving family and friends that you have always been.

I hope you haven't been too offended or anything by this, but I really do think she said it very well and I hope this does give you a glimpse of what girls like me are dealing with.

P.A.R.I.N.T.S.

That stands for "Positive Approaches Regarding INfertility TreatmentS" . I talked to my doctor today and he said my test results came back at 1.4, therefore another annovulatory cycle. My doctor is referring me to "PARINTS". They will be able to start the next level of treatment, which I think will be injectables. I have a consultation appointment on March 12, so I will update then.

I'm both scared and nervous, but most of all, excited about the prospect of moving on to something that I am praying will work for us.